A Chemist's Confession: How My Microscope Turned Into a Chemistry Lab

Note: The following humorous story focuses specifically on the side effects of crystal microphotography. It's important to note that microphotography is actually a much broader field, including photography of microorganisms, plants, and many other objects. Crystal photography is just one specific branch that inevitably involves the accumulation of various chemicals.

The Beginning Was Innocent...

I really didn't mean to do it. I had a simple plan: buy one chemical, take a few pictures, that's it. Now, a year later, I look at my home and wonder - maybe I should apply for a small chemical plant license?

My Daily Dilemmas

"Should I put glutamine next to glutamic acid or follow alphabetical order?" "Should I tell the neighbors I'm an artist or a chemist?" "Where to fit the next shipment when all cabinets are already full of 'future projects'?"

Curious Conversations

Cashier: "Would you like a bag?" Me: "No, I have a whole drawer at home... full of chemicals... I mean, bags!"

My Home's New Reality

• Living Room = Exhibition Hall (where I keep the "presentable" chemicals)
• Kitchen = Experimental Laboratory
• Bedroom = Storage Facility
• Bathroom = The only place without chemicals (yet)
• Garage = "The-place-where-nothing-fits-but-somehow-still-does"

Justifications 2.0

1. "This IS art, just... in chemical form."
2. "At least I'm not collecting cat pictures from the internet."
3. "These ARE vitamins... technically."
4. "But look how nicely they're arranged on the shelf!"

Everyday Adventures

• When guests come over, I have to quickly decide whether to hide the chemicals or give a quick lecture on microphotography
• The cleaner refuses to clean my "laboratory"
• I have to explain to the pizza delivery guy that these white powders are COMPLETELY legal

Secret Thoughts

• "Maybe I should move to a bigger apartment... for the chemicals?"
• "Will anyone notice if I add another shelf?"
• "I wonder if my neighbors think I'm a mad scientist?"

Future Plans*

(*or dreams)

1. Start a chemists' anonymous support group
2. Learn all chemical names by heart
3. Create an app "Where's my chemical?"
4. Write a book: "How to Live with 50 Amino Acids"

Moments of Truth

• When your child asks: "Mommy/Daddy, are you a scientist?"
• When the mailman asks: "Are you... a pharmacy?"
• When you have to explain on your loan application why you have so many "laboratory expenses"

Conclusion

So if you see someone buying suspiciously large amounts of supplements and vitamins at the store, don't worry. It's probably just a microphotographer trying to find balance between their art and home. We're those weird people who know exactly where beta-alanine is but can't find our keys.

P.S. If anyone knows a good method for explaining to customs officials why I order so many "suspicious" powders, please let me know. My current explanation "It's for art!" only raises more questions.

P.P.S. While this story is somewhat exaggerated, it reflects a real challenge in the world of crystal microphotography. Unlike other branches of microphotography where natural objects like cells, microorganisms, or insects are photographed, crystal photography requires various chemicals. Since we need only small amounts for creating artwork, but they're sold in large packages, we end up gradually accumulating quite a proper "chemistry lab" at home. This is a specific "side effect" that comes with crystal microphotography.

This article is more of a humorous glimpse into the peculiarities of one narrow branch of microphotography, not a description of microphotography as a whole.

The author notes that no chemicals were harmed during the writing of this article. They all rest peacefully in their cabinets, waiting their turn under the microscope.